Last week my fourth baby boy turned ONE.
How did this happen!? How did we get here? I have no idea- but the days are long and the years are short is an accurate phrase. Although, I can say, that with 4 kids- the days are never long. They fly by!
With it being Arlo’s birthday, I thought it would be a good time to finally share his birth story on here. I actually shared this on Instagram last summer, but it will be much easier to read in one post instead of being broken up in my story highlights. Buckle up, it’s a long one. But if you like to read birth stories, I think you’ll like this one.
Where to even begin. I was planning a natural homebirth for this baby. I was seeing some amazing homebirth midwives. Everything was going well in my pregnancy- it was actually the best I felt out of any of my pregnancies (thank you pro-metabolic eating)! But around week 34, things started to change. I had taken my then 5 year old out for a day date, just us two. We ate lunch together and then we planned to go to Target and Old Navy to get him some new summer clothes. Instead, when we got back to our car, I became very sick. I figured it would pass, so we sat there for a little bit- but I went downhill fast. I remember calling my husband. “I’m sick. I’m calling an ambulance. I might pass out. This is where I am. Meet me here.” I remember my sweet 5 year old in the backseat calling out for me. My vision was starting to fade. I was so hot. I wanted to talk to him and assure him that everything would be alright. But I couldn’t get my mouth to work. “Mommy? Mommy? Is everything okay?”
I called 911. Told them I was pregnant and about to pass out. They were asking me questions and I don’t remember answering them. I don’t remember what the questions were. Suddenly, I woke up and I had the impulse to put the AC on blast. That made me feel a lot better. I looked at my phone. I was still on the phone with 911. It had been 7 minutes since the phone call started. “Mommy? Are you okay? Why is an ambulance here?” That was one of the most terrifying situations I’ve been in. I felt so helpless. I had never passed out like that before.
Long story short- I had passed out because my blood sugar had gone so high. This had never happened before in my life. In fact, I had always been HYPO-glycemic with the opposite problem. So this was a surprise.
Over the next few weeks, I monitored my blood sugars everyday and was very careful with what I ate, under the guidance of my midwives. I was able to keep my numbers controlled with diet, but my fasting numbers weren’t doing great. During pregnancy, they like your fasting numbers to be below 100 and definitely not above. Well, mine were well above. Over the next few weeks, we tried so many things to get those fasting numbers under control. Every natural remedy under the sun you can think of- I tried it. I so badly wanted my homebirth. And if we couldn’t get those fasting numbers under control, I would risk out. And the thought of that devastated me.
I had spent my entire pregnancy dreaming of this homebirth. My first two were born in the hospital. My first birth was very medicated and traumatic. My second included preterm birth and a long nicu stay. My third birth was at a birth center, a water birth- and very well could have been a home birth. So it just made sense for baby #4 to be born at home! I had my birth space prepped. We had reserved the birthing pool. I had been envisioning this for months. After having an out of hospital birth, I didn’t want to go back and have another birth IN the hospital. I hate hospitals. I hate how sterile they are. I hate how they make birth medicalized. I hate how uncomfortable the beds are. I wanted to have my babyat home, like we had planned.
We tried everything and then it was recommended that I consult with a CNM at a local hospital. In the state of Texas, there are requirements my midwives had to follow in order for me to be under their care and for them to follow regulations. This was one of those requirements. After all was said and done the answer was not what we had hoped for. This CNM, who was the head of labor and delivery at the hospital and owned her own birth center- could not recommend that I birth this baby at home as the best choice. Although she herself was very supportive of homebirth, she recommended I birthed this baby at the hospital. Although this may not seem like a huge deal to some, I was absolutely devastated. This wasn’t what we had planned. This wasn’t what I had wanted. My dream of birthing my baby at home, in my bedroom, with all my kids there, in the water- that wasn’t going to be a reality. The other hard part of this was that they recommended I get a medical induction at 39 weeks and that was the absolute last thing I wanted. During my first birth I had an epidural and pitocin and my body reacted horribly. I really did not want to take induction meds.
At this point, I realized that very little was in my control. It was time to surrender and focus on what I could control. I took a few days to grieve and then my doula and I met. She has amazing knowledge of all the hospitals in DFW and she told me what hospitals would be the best. The goal was now to get my body into labor before the induction and go with the hospital that would be most supportive of a physiological birth.
My midwives started me on a protocol of different herbs to help my body get ready for labor and I started mentally preparing. I met with my doula and we came up with a plan of what hospital would be best to birth at, what methods of induction we would use first, comfort measures, etc. She reminded me that I still had options and choices with my birth and encouraged me that I could still have a peaceful birth in the hospital. She helped me feel so encouraged and like I could do this. I was completely thrown off by our birth plan changing and I knew there was very little I could control at this point, so having even a small bit of control in this new birth plan helped me immensely.
Here was the most amazing silver lining. The midwife group at the hospital agreed to have my homebirth midwives continue my prenatal care until induction. I was scheduled for an induction at 39 weeks 5 days, if I didn’t go into labor before then. My 39 week appointment came. I was still really struggling with this change of plans and felt like I was nowhere near mentally ready to give birth in a few days. I was feeling so anxious and overwhelmed. The night before my appointment, I covered myself in acceptance and surrender oils and I prayed a very specific prayer that I would find peace. At my appointment, we talked in depth about everything. The thing was- we didn’t know what condition the baby would be in when he was born. He could have low blood sugar or other struggles… or he could not. But we wouldn’t know until he was born. Because my blood sugar had been fluctuating so much with highs and lows my whole pregnancy… we just didn’t know how baby was reacting to that. We knew that when my glucose spiked it made me very sick. So if it was making me sick… what was it doing to the baby? For the very first time I felt this overwhelming sense of peace and acceptance. That this is what we were supposed to do. That a hospital birth was right.
Normally, I decline any cervical checks, but this time was different because we needed to get my body ready for labor to try and avoid induction. I could have declined the induction, but at this point we felt it was best to get baby out sooner rather than later. My midwife checked me and I was 3 cm. Even though dilation doesn’t indicate a whole lot, this was promising because it meant the herbs we had been using were working! So that was good news and gave me hope that we would be able to induce naturally without meds. I had been drinking red raspberry leaf tea, taking evening primrose oil, and master gland formula all week to get my body ready for labor. We had an induction date set for Thursday morning and the midwife on call was on board with me trying natural things before any medication- which was incredible. This is basically unheard of in any hospital. I still felt nervous about just going into the hospital not in labor yet so I was hopeful that my body would be ready for labor.
My induction was scheduled for Thursday. Our plan was to do some things on Wednesday to encourage labor if I hadn’t yet gone into labor. On Wednesday morning I went to the chiropractor for one last adjustment and that evening, my midwife came over. She did some bodywork/cranial sacral work on me and then stripped my membranes. I had never had a membrane sweep done with any of my previous pregnancies so I had no idea how my body would react but I had heard that they can sometimes put women right into labor. I started having contractions almost right after my midwife left. She had told me to do the miles circuit and take a bath afterwards… but as soon as I tried to, the contractions ramped up very fast and within an hour my contractions were getting more intense and were only 3-5 minutes apart. I felt like I didn’t have time and we just needed to get going so we could get the kids situated and get to the hospital. This hospital was also allowing our children to be there with us for the birth- another tender mercy.
My previous labors were very fast. With Ezra’s birth, we were on the way to the birth center while I was in transition- 10/10 do not recommend… hence why we were planning a homebirth. So I just wanted to get going since the hospital was 45 minutes away and we still needed to drop off Ezra with a friend and get the boys settled- since they were going to be there for the birth. There were closer hospitals, but we specifically chose this one to have midwives that would be supportive of the birth experience we wanted. So I called my doula and midwife and we were off to the hospital. I snapped this photo right before we left, in between contractions.
Of course, things didn’t go how I wanted them to once we got to the hospital. We were assigned a room and got settled. My doula had called L&D to let them know we were on our way and to get the birth tub set up. Being able to labor in the water was one thing I was counting on after everything else with my birth plan went out the window and I was really looking forward to that. My birth team was getting everything setup and I was just trying to focus on my contractions and stay relaxed and calm. The hospital midwife came in and we gave her my birth plan to review. She wanted to get some bloodwork which I agreed to but I declined the IV and heplock. Then she asked me if I brought a liner for the pool. Which I was surprised by because no one told me I needed to bring one. She told me they didn’t have any liners on hand and that I couldn’t use the pool without one. I was so upset by this. This tub was the ONE thing I was counting on for this birth. And now I couldn’t use it at all. I needed this tub to labor in, especially during transition. I didn’t know how I was going to do this without it. I felt so defeated.
It was passed the boys bedtime and they were wired and not at all tired. Between them being rambunctious, the news about the pool, and just being at the hospital- I felt so uneasy and disappointed. All my contractions suddenly stopped and I was so discouraged. I wondered if we shouldn’t have come to the hospital at all yet. I wished I could just take a nap in my own bed. I had so many things running through my mind and I just kept thinking- none of this is going right. Nothing about this birth was at all how I envisioned it. I was nervous that I would need medication I didn’t want- in order to get contractions going again.
I was so mentally and physically exhausted. I didn’t know how I was going to get into the labor headspace and actually have a baby that night. Brogan ran to the store to get me some food and I took a shower and had a good cry. At this point, all I wanted to do was take a nap. My doula reminded me that there was no rush. The hospital midwife was amazing. She wasn’t rushing us. My emotions were playing a big part in my contractions- or lack thereof and it was perfectly acceptable for me to take time to process thing first. She also reminded me that it is totally normal for contractions to slow when you change environments during labor.
Brogan came back and I had some snacks, soup, and drank some electrolyte drinks. I had him put oils all over me and then I asked the midwife to give me another membrane sweep. I did some stair climbs to try and get labor going but I was just so exhausted. I started having more contractions but they weren’t super consistent like before. I decided I just needed to rest and the boys took turns cuddling with me. They finally fell asleep at 1 am. I felt like there was just no way I could have a baby that night. I was so mentally and physically exhausted. I just wanted to go home. So once they fell asleep, I decided to take a nap too.
I woke up at 3 am and I wanted to keep sleeping. I wanted to go home. I wanted to do anything but birth a baby right then. But I knew I couldn’t. I knew it was time. This baby wasn’t going to come out unless we did some things to get him to come. After all, this was an ‘induction’. My homebirth midwife was there now and that brought me a lot of comfort to have her there.
I went to the bathroom and just remember thinking- I really don’t want to do this and prayed for strength to overcome my emotional and mental blocks. I received an answer right then that said: “Sometimes we have to do really hard things. This is one of those times. You can do this. You’ve done harder things before.” This was the most emotional labor/birth I’ve experienced. But I knew it was time to get this baby here. I was tired and overwhelmed but I was so ready to meet him.
It was 3 am and it was go time. Time to get this baby out. I started bouncing on the ball and pumping. My doula was putting my labor oil blend and clary sage on me every 15 minutes. My (homebirth) midwife started giving me doses of a tincture called B&B- black and blue cohosh. This is a pretty strong tincture- and boy, it was working! It really helped my contractions pick up and get more intense. I was so glad we had that.
My doula asked if I wanted to have the hospital midwife break my water. I was reluctant because I preferred to have my waters rupture on their own- but that doesn’t usually happen until I’m in transition. And with how these contractions had gone the past few hours, I didn’t have the mental or physical energy to labor for several more hours. I just wanted my baby here. So after thinking about it, I felt good about having my water broken.
While we waited for her to come in, I started the miles circuit- a spinning babies exercise. This exercise is helpful for getting baby into an optimal position for birth. This helped put me into labor with Ezra so I hoped it would work this time too. Around 4:20 am, the hospital midwife came in and broke my water. I was 6 cm at this point and baby was low so we all felt we would be meeting baby soon! I felt so relieved- there was a good chance I wouldn’t need any induction meds and that everything we were doing was working. I was finally at a point where I felt excitement during this labor too. Soon I would be in transition and get to meet my baby!
I promise we are almost to the end haha.
I assumed I would be in labor for a couple more hours. As time went on, my contractions were feeling more and more productive. My doula offered to put the tens machine on me and I didn’t think I would like this- but I actually loved it. It helped a lot! My doula suggested I lay on my side with a peanut ball. Soon after this, I felt like I was already in transition- but I thought there was no way it was already happening. I decided I didn’t want the peanut ball anymore and instinctually went to my hands and knees, facing the back of the hospital bed. I kept thinking this couldn’t be transition already. I had just had my water broken. I was just 6 cm.
I started tuning out everything around me. The contractions were getting intense and I started roaring through them. Then I became nauseous and very hot and I knew- yep this is definitely transition. I asked for a cold towel for my neck and a hot towel for for my belly- that’s where all the contractions were. This was my first labor without severe back labor- HALLELUJAH. My doula tied a warm rice pack around my belly and that gave me some really good relief and made the contractions much more bearable. I was so hot and thirsty. I had one person fanning my face, another giving me sips of ice water, and another holding peppermint oil for me to smell.
I now knew I was in transition and I figured I would be in this phase for a while. In my head I was reminding myself of my birth affirmations and trying to stay grounded.
✨ This is the last part. You can do this. You’re going to meet your baby soon!
✨ Each wave brings me closer to my baby.
✨ I follow my instincts and listen to my body. It knows what it’s doing.
I started to feel pressure and started to panic a little. I don’t know why, but every time I give birth and start to feel pressure, I start to panic. It’s not like I didn’t know the baby would eventually be coming out of me lol.
My doula asked if she should get the midwife and I said yes. I was reminding myself not to push too much yet, but just lean into the pressure and trust my body.
The contractions were intense but I felt so relaxed and that’s exactly what I wanted for this birth. I was reminding myself not to clench my jaw or hands or feet and to just lean in, relax, stay calm. It helped that I had meditative music on that I played throughout my pregnancy. It really helped me stay calm and relaxed.
Every time a contraction came I would move my body. I stayed on my hands and knees and didn’t want to change positions but I would move forward and shift until it felt right with each contraction. I didn’t plan to birth this way- on my hands and knees and on the hospital bed. My whole pregnancy I had been planning a water birth. But my body knew exactly what to do. It took over and I didn’t even feel like I was the one moving. It felt like my body was in charge and I was just surrendering to it.
I continued feeling pressure for a few minutes and then I suddenly felt the ring of fire. I knew I was about to meet my baby. I gave a push or maybe a few? I don’t remember- and his head was out. The midwife mentioned how wiggly he was just with his head out. He was dying to get out of there! I pushed a little more and his body was out!
Funny story- apparently when I was pushing him out, I was on my hands and knees but pushed down onto my belly. I had no idea I did this. Like I said, my body just took over. The midwife said she’s only seen one other woman birth in that position in 20 years haha.
I was on my hands and knees still after he came out and the midwife passed him under me so I could pick him up. I held him against my body as close as I could- but he had a pretty short cord! it was just the most magical and emotional moment. After such an emotional and mentally taxing birth- he was finally here and I was just filled with such joy to have him in my arms. I couldn’t believe it. I did that. And he was finally here. It was surreal.
Right then, literally right after Arlo came out, the boys woke up. They were both really tired. Chet stayed by me for a while and was so excited to see the baby and August went back to sleep. How they didn’t wake up from the sound of birth during the process- I don’t know.
My birth team helped me turn around so I could hold Arlo in a more comfortable position. My doula gave me drops of oils under my tongue to help prevent hemorrhage. I delivered the placenta shortly after and I’m happy to report I did not hemorrhage or tear!
Then Brogan took Arlo while I went to the bathroom and got cleaned up. We delayed cord clamping until it turned white and was completely done pulsing and then Brogan and the boys cut the cord.
It’s pretty wild to remember the details of his birth one year later. Although this was a difficult birth, there was also so much beauty in it. They say that with the birth of every child, a mother is reborn. And I definitely felt like I was reborn through this experience. It taught me a lot about patience, surrender, and finding peace in the unknown.
